From time to time, when an idea occurs to me…or I hear something that I want to explore further, I start typing and then title it and save it for a rainy day. Recently I was looking for something to work on and noticed a file entitled “Doubt.” I thought, “We’ve been studying doubt in the teen class, so I’m sure I can add to that one.” I opened it and saw these words: “Doubt…I get it now.” I looked at the date and remembered the hurt I was feeling during that time. For a moment I felt guilty for the doubts I was harboring back then. Then I remembered the “I get it now” part that was going through my mind.
Through the years, I had developed this idea that if I ever doubted God…doubted his existence, his judgment, or his steadfast love…I was unworthy to follow Christ. But, are my questions offensive to God? Does he shrink back at my wonderings? If my lack of understanding makes me angry at him, does he turn his back? I believe the answer to every one of those questions is a resounding “No!”
When the father of the boy with the unclean spirit cried out, “I believe. Help my unbelief,” Jesus didn’t walk away hurt because of his weak faith. He used it as an opportunity to strengthen his faith. God doesn’t fear our doubts, he watches for them…and when we doubt with a yearning to have that doubt calmed, he can use those moments of weakness to mold us into a better version of ourselves.
When God made from one man every nation of mankind, he willed “that they should seek God, and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him.” That doesn’t sound to me like He expected His presence to always be obvious to us. Then, he reminded, “Yet he is actually not far from each one of us” (Acts 17:27).
When I doubt, Lord help me always to keep searching for You.