Years ago, I was standing in a Hallmark store looking for an anniversary card when an older man stepped into the same aisle.
“You too, huh?” he said with a grin.
“Yes sir.”
“I bet I’ve got you beat.”
“How long’s it been?”
“Forty-nine years this Thursday with that sweet gal,” he said, eyes gleaming.
At the time, I’d been married about fifteen years. I told him he had me beat by more than three decades. He chuckled and went back to scanning the cards.
After a moment, he said something I’ve never forgotten.
“Compromise.”
“Sir?”
“Compromise. If both of you have to get your own way, it ain’t gonna work. Both of you have to be willing to give in.”
We talked for a few minutes and then went our separate ways. I don’t know anything about his background. I don’t know if he ever read a marriage book or attended a seminar. I suspect he learned about marriage the old-fashioned way. By being married.
Now, almost thirty-four years into my own marriage, I can say this: he was right. But I understand his word a little better now.
Compromise in marriage isn’t weakness. It’s strength under control. It’s choosing the relationship over your pride. It’s deciding that winning an argument is far less important than protecting unity.
Marriage isn’t sustained by romance alone. It’s sustained by humility. By daily acts of consideration. By quiet apologies. By forgiving quickly. By remembering that you are not enemies competing for control but partners pursuing something far bigger than yourselves.
Paul writes, “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ… Husbands, love your wives… Let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Eph. 5:21, 25, 33).
That kind of mutual submission isn’t about keeping score. It’s about reflecting Christ.
If both people insist on their own way, the marriage will fracture. If both people are willing to yield, to listen, to defer, and to love sacrificially, the marriage deepens.
After nearly thirty-four years, I would add this: compromise is not just the secret to surviving marriage. It’s the pathway to enjoying it.
And it’s deeply Christ-like.
That older gentleman was right.
If both of you have to get your own way, it ain’t gonna work. —Chuck
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